Saturday, November 13, 2010


This past 9 days has been rocky to say the least.  Lilah is hardly ever sick.  She had one little virus this summer, a fever and congestion for two days.  I took her in just because she had been playing with friends and they had come down with strep.  But she was negative and recovered quickly. 

So way back two Thursdays ago, when she was cranky and moody, I figured she had a little bug and it would be a few days of getting her better.  Thursday night.  10 PM - cries out, back to sleep.  11 PM - cries out, back to sleep.  12:30 - cries for a good 5 minutes, but I am tired, why isn't she sleeping!   3:30 AM- really loud crying.  I go to check.  She is BURNING up.  I don't trust my thermometer because it seems to run low and it is say 102.7!  Holly cow.  Poor thing.  I get her out of bed and out of her sleep sack.  Her hands feel like they are on fire.  Wet wash cloth to the back of the neck.  A dose of Tylenol.  Lots of hugging, soothing, worry.  Finally the temp drops, but she is awake.  Shannon gets up a 5:50 to let me get an hour of sleep before he heads off to work. 

For the next 5 days we battled the fever.  It would drop to 99 range and just stay there, but every 4 or 5 hours it would spike back up.  Never as high as that first night, but uncomfortable for Lilah.  She was cranky, moody, uncomfortable.  I would set her down, she would cry.  I would pick her up, she would cry.  I would read to her, she didn't like the book she would cry.  I would read to her, she liked the book, it was over she would cry.  By this time I was sick too.  Shannon took the lead role with taking care of her over the weekend and I slept most of Saturday.  But crying baby, sick mommy is not a good combo.  I just wanted her to start feeling better.  I thought about taking her in to see her pediatrician on Monday but when I called 20 minutes after they opened they said it was going to be a 10 minute wait to even talk with the scheduler.  My goodness - lots of sick kiddos.  So I decided to wait one more day. 

Then Tuesday morning her fever is 101 again.  I take her in.   Ears look good, throat looks good.  Congestion nothing to worry about, lungs sound clear.  The swab her nose for flu.  Poor thing - it looked like it hurt.  Came back negative.  They were sure that is what it was going to be.  Ok, time for urine sample with catheter.  She was a wreck after that.  We wait 15 minutes for initial results.  In the meantime she is snuggled up on me and falling asleep.  Negative for infection.  That means fever for 5 days - no diagnosis.  They don't like that at all.  Better send her for blood work and lung X-Ray.  I am pretty sure I wasn't containing my emotion well at that point - YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.  She is cranky, with a little runny nose and a fever that won't go away and you want me to subject her to blood draw and X-Ray!  She is sick - I am sick- Shannon is starting to feel sick- we have a virus. So they talk and if the fever hasn't broken by the next day I am to get her blood drawn.  But X-Ray has to happen today.  I go home, call Shannon.  He comes home and takes her to the Radiologist.  I go grocery shopping so we have something in the house.  It was a nice break.  But I am worried.  I just can't shake it.  That trip to the doctor's office left me in a funk.

Wednesday morning - I leave the house at 4:50 AM to head to Body Back.  Finally something for me!  It was great.  We got an early morning PT routine with a retired Army Sgt.  It was just what I needed and I finally felt like I was going to get better.  I got home to Lilah without fever.  She had woken up not hot!  Thank goodness.  That meant no blood work that day.  This day was going great.  Lilah was still grumpy, but things were going my way, and I was able to just roll with it.  She was going to be feeling better and I was going to get better and life was returning to normal.  Thursday morning - she wakes up super cranky and with rash!  Her nose is running worse than it had been in several days, she is congested and just not feeling well again.  I barely handle the day, but somehow make it.  Friday morning - the rash is worse.  I break down into tears.  I just want my happy baby back.  Not sick.  Not grumpy.  I CAN'T take it anymore.  I call the nurses line.  They want me to take her to the emergency room.  I don't think so.  I know from the last little bug that with the end of virus can come a rash.  It is not raised, it is not hot, it is not hives.  So I don't take the advice, I decide to wait it out.  Does that make me a bad Mom?  I don't know, but the last time I took her in left both of us exhausted.  Instead we literally screamed at each other all day.  Not good for either of us.  Oh, and I am still not feeling a 100% either.  This nasty bug just lingers.  Shannon knows how unhappy and worn out I am and makes it home by 4.  I get to go for a run.  This helps so much.  I realize now how dependent I have become on exercise to keep my mood up.  I don't quite make it the 3 miles without stopping, side stitches and knee ache.  I hope this is because I am still congested and just not getting the oxygen I need.  I have a feeling the next week at Body Back is going to be a rough one.   I need to make up for lost time.

Now it is Saturday morning.  The rash is fading.  She woke up at 7:45 this morning - slept for 13 hours.  And now has been napping for 1:40 minutes (this morning nap usually last 40 - 60 min on a good day).   I am cautiously optimistic that this the end and she will start getting back to her old self.  I need her smiles.  I need her independence.  I am not good with clingy, whinny baby.  Especially after 9 days! 

This is a picture taken after the doctor's office.  She was so tired she laid down on the carpet in the kitchen and wouldn't get back up.  So sad, but so precious. 

1 comment:

  1. *love*hugs*praises*

    I have been there - right there where you are and have been. I am so sorry. You are NOT a bad mom, you are an amazing mom and Lilah knows it! It's so hard, they are sick, they cannot really communicate to you what is wrong, plus she is 1! She has no idea why she feels so horrible, she just does and Mommy hasn't been able to fix it. Mommy has always been able to fix it. So she's confused and sick and upset -- and you are tired and sick and your heart is breaking because you have always been able to fix it and you can't fix this..... I get it. I have been right there where you are - where you have been. Sick child, doctor's office too busy to answer the phone in a timely manner - nurse advice that you think it borderline - really wanting to "wait and see" - witnessing a traumatic catheter event for both mommy and daughter.... I am so sorry that you and Lilah and Shannon are dealing with this... Sending healty healing thoughts out into the universe for you.

    I loved hearing though that you feel like a better, happier, more able to cope, mommy when you exercise. I too have discovered that the key to my being and feeling like a better mommy is to get a little sweat on! Endorphins are a wonderful thing, huh?

    Sending love, hugs and get well wishes. If there is anything I can do.... you know where to find me. You are an amazing Mama and Lilah is so very lucky to have you!!